Friday, March 18, 2005
The Journeymen Double Header
With key players either injured, hung-over or AWOL, the Fury lined up against The Journeymen for the mid season double header suffering a little from over-confidence and the rigors of a long hard season.
Ginger Nuts controversially decided to play himself in midfield, dropping the returning No Name to defense. This exposed a gap between Fury's midfield and back line, which perhaps was the downfall in the two games.
As the great Saul man said himself 'I think playing both you and Matt playing midfield/up front meant there was no one distributing well from the back. We struggled to get the play going from the back, thus we never got going in midfield.'
A scrappy game followed with few chances created or conceded. Passing and position awareness was down but replaced with fire and brimstone!
The only notable moment of the game being No Name's 'tackle' and through ball which led to Ginger Nuts scoring the winning goal.
Game two was much the same. A defensive positional switch led to an easy opener for The Journeymen, and started the frustration within Sid who proceeded to 'cut up' the field and opposition with some fiery tackles, one of which led to 2 minutes in the sin bin and a threat of a 3 match ban.
'Am I really worth it?' The ref asked the young Welshman.
'Well yes. Yes you are!'
So a battling performance left the Fury with 3 points form 6 for the night and 13 from the first 6 games. 4 to go and nothing less than 4 wins will do.
A moment of reflection from The Saul man. 'On reflection today 3 points seems ok from those games. They played well, I can't remember many instances when we were on top. And we were missing a key player in Hot Toddy and his lethal left foot.'
Himself to a tough last few weeks this season after last nights games against The Journeymen resulted in a 1-0 for and a 1-0 against.
'We were below par in terms of our passing and team spirit, but special mention must go to Marton, No Name, Panini, Saul and Sid for the work rate and effort after I unfairly winged and moaned at them for the entire game.
'I thought it funny after two matches officiated so poorly, the only man on the pitch who I did not shout at was the referee! Sorry lads.
'We now face 4 tough games and nothing less than 12 points will do. But I know with the players we have and me gagged we will stand a very strong chance of achieving our 25 point aim.
'Anything under 25 points and I owe you a pint each per point!'
Full match report to follow from Sid 'Sin Bin' Evans.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Fury Sign new Multi-million Pound Deal
Mercurial Fury boss Jim Cohen, today signed a £2.5 million pound deal with a host of international sponsors.
'A vast number of companies were banging on our door,' the wiley boss boasted, 'but we chose the ones we felt represented quality, universal appeal and stood above the rest in the way that we do.'
Friday, March 11, 2005
3-0 Vs. Ontario Towers
2-1 Vs. 47th Dynasty
Lining up against the unknown quantities of 47th Dynasty and Ontario Towers with only 3 regular players, Hot Toddy, Panini and Ginger Nuts, Future Fury looked like a concerned team. No more so than ‘ringer’ Saul who at 5 minutes after the scheduled kick off, was the only player at the pitch.
‘Yeah I am sure they will be here soon, sorry they are late… oh in fact there they are, running into the ground still in their work clothes. Bugger!’
The team was made up by ringers Saul, Matt and Matt, who competently stepped into the fold, replacing the missing quintet of Sid, (Having a suit fitting for a mates wedding) Marton (serious back injury, get well soon son!) 3 Quarters, (working hard on the last ever issue of Xbox Gamer) No Name (decided to walk on glass instead of play football) and Kick Me! Who was spent the evening sitting on some dogs.
Ontario Towers looked a little annoyed at the late kick off, but looked a lot worse after the Fury run rings around them for 18 minutes, 4 of which included playing a man down after Ginger Nuts had been sin binned for allegedly time wasting, shooting after a foul had been given. The Ginger warrior walked off the pitch to get on the blower to direct the 3rd Matt of the team to the pitch and subsequently stood on the sidelines for 2 minutes longer than he had too. No matter, the fire burned bright and some hard work from Saul, Panini and Hot Toddy was matched with the eloquent footwork of Ginger Nuts who boldly rounded the opposition goalkeeper to notch up Future’s third goal. This followed a previous from the ginger warrior and a great low drive from Hot Toddy.
The northern aggressor strolled confidently back to the centre line amidst cries of ‘he’s back!’
‘I never chuffin’ left’ came his reply.
At one point in the game, Saul decided to only pass with back heals, and this typified his, and Future’s confident approach to this season with manager Ginger Nuts having set a target of 8 wins and one draw as a minimum.
3-0, job done, and Future were on a high.
A 20-minute breather was warmly welcomed, as was 3 rd ringer of the night, and 3rd Matt of the night, who arrived at week 7’s half time.
On to 47th Dynasty who looked up for a battle and tested the Fury’s resolve with some early attacks down the right flank, but the Fury stood firm and did not concede one shot on target in the first half, which saw Panini get his first goal of the night. The midfield mystro had lead the game last week and did so again here with some confident passing and assured movement alongside ‘angry man’ HT.
Saul again was working hard, with ringers Matt and Matt fitting in well to the team. The 3rd Matt attempting a 15-yard curling back heal which narrowly missed the far corner and surely the award of goal of the season.
1-0 up but cruising, Ginger Nuts took the last half in nets and began his usual routine of screams and confused orders aimed at the rest of the team. One such order, when confronted with an indirect free kick from 15 yards saw the recovering Ginger tell his defenders to not block the shot and just mark the players, as it was indirect. 47th Dynasty simply tapped the ball a few inches and then side footed it into the open net. A huge mistake indeed if Hot Toddy had not previously bagged his 3rd of the night giving the Fury their second win of the night and a 4 point lead at the top of the 1st Division.
Good stuff boys! Even if we are down in numbers, the fury still burns bright!
Friday, March 04, 2005
Team Photo from left to right - Back row, front row
Squad number : 9
Nickname : Hot Toddy
Position : Striker
Appearances : Yes
Goals : Lots, unless he’s in the middle of a goal drought, in which case, very few, normally none.
Interesting Fact : Another Northy, so far North that people who come from there are made of cardboard. Doesn’t say much, but what he does say is definitely Northern, and normally quite angry. Once became so agitated at Ginger Nuts’ poor zonal marking he exploded on the spot, showering miniscule fragments of his Darlington shirt over Docklands and surrounding areas.
Pledge : Attend an anger management course.
Squad number : 7
Nickname : Ginger Nuts
Position : Midfield
Appearances : More than most
Goals : Not as many as most. But some really long range screemers! (Added by Jim)
Interesting Fact : Delivered Fury an unprecedented relegation in his first full season in charge. Pilloried, bullied and roundly abused by the rest of the team, as well as Island Garden chavs, who have offered gifts of phlegm and eggs in return for cheap lanky ginger thrills. Given recent vote of confidence but still considered pretty fucking useless by all concerned.
Pledge : To continue renaming football terms. Such as “halt-time” for “half-time”. Also promises to wash more.
Squad number : 4
Nickname : Sidies
Position : Full-back / goalkeeper
Appearances : 24 exactly
Goals : Three – all corkers
Interesting Fact : Is so deadly accurate, scores all of his goals through the side-netting without the opposition team or referee noticing. Also has side-burns. And a massive cock. Called Beryl; who is 3 this April.
Pledge : 1 - To stop moaning at refs. 2 – To get sent off again. 3 – To reintroduce the long-ball game and showcase it in soccer schools the length and breadth of the UK – not including Scotland.
Squad number : 10
Nickname : Panini
Position : Midfield
Appearances : Can be deceptive
Goals : Two. Each about 8ft wide and 3ft high. One at each end of the pitch. With nets.
Interesting Fact : Contracted sickening football injury in second game of the new season – sprained index finger. His fleet of foot is a true sight to behold as he floats around the playing surface like a holy apparition of footiocity.
Pledge : Not a patch on Mr Sheen
Squad number : 2
Nickname : Marton
Position : Full-back
Appearances : Lots
Goals : Not a sausage
Interesting Fact : Holds world record for number of consecutive knee keepy-up’s. (Six). Real name actually Marton, an old Northern word for coal.
Pledge : Promises to have a shot at goal by the end of this season and to create a full range of Future Fury branded merchandise, from mouse mats, to mug, replica shirts, to crotchless panties. (Worringly, Cowan has already requested two pairs of these, giving his own waist-size).
Squad number : 8
Nickname : Kick Me
Position : Striker
Appearances : Yes. When he’s not out getting shit-faced the previous night
Goals : Many. Can sniff out the onion bag like a drug hound on speed
Interesting Fact : Couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo in the first week of the season – subsequently transfer-listed. The Britpop ballwinner is the Spice Boy of the team, for the simple reason that everyone else is exceedingly ugly.
Pledge : To get kicked more
Squad number : 4
Nickname : Three Quarters
Position : Attacking defender.
Appearances : Criterion, Apollo and Doncaster Belle Vue theatres (see below).
Gulls : Nope. Prefers pigeons.
Interesting Fact : Another member of the Northern contingent and Fury’s leading marksman last season with, ahem, two. Plays as if he is treading over hot coals. Was a regular in Michael Flatley’s original Riverdance production. Also knocks out a mean tune on the flute.
Pledge : Recreate the entire Future Fury experience in computer game form ... (to make it more real).
Squad number : 6
Nickname : No Name
Position : Midfield powerhouse
Appearances : Four
Goals : You must be joking
Interesting Fact : A right proper cunt.
Pledge : To shake hands at the end of every game